


For the Record

by writingreels (themonstrousregiment)



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-20 01:18:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themonstrousregiment/pseuds/writingreels
Summary: The audio log of an experiment in emotional responses, or 'how to fall in love in fifty days.'





	For the Record

**Author's Note:**

> Once again I posted this to tumblr and forgot to upload this to ao3, so here it is! This was very loosely based on the musical 36 Questions, which I utterly adore at the moment (you should definitely listen if you haven't!). But yeah, hope you enjoy!

 

“Oh, it’s recording. Salutations. This is the first recording for the progress logs of my experiment in– “

“ _Is this really necessary?”_

“Virgil, please don’t interrupt me while I’m recording the logs.”

“ _Why do you even need to record this?”_

“For the sake of scientific progress, of course. When undertaking an experiment of any kind, it’s important that all the data be recorded for later analysis, to ensure the results are unbiased and objective.”

“ _Objective? Your experiment is about_ emotions _, I don’t think there’s anything objective about it.”_

“…Nevertheless, I believe keeping these recordings will be beneficial. It will allow me to revise our progress each day and, if necessary, strategize our next step. Now, may I continue?”

“… _Whatever. But, for the record, I think this is stupid.”_

“Noted. Now, where was I? Ah yes, the experiment’s aims and objectives. In brief, recent…events, have demonstrated that my ability to read the emotions of others, and of myself, is… in need of improvement.”

_“‘In need of improvement’?”_

“For the record, let it be known that I do not appreciate sarcasm.”

_“You don’t_ understand  _sarcasm.”_

“Falsehood! I have studied linguistics extensively, alongside multiple different dialectical expressions, colloquiums– “

“– _yeah yeah, whatever Brainiac.”_

“…To return to the experiment, I have decided to take definitive steps to improve my empathetic abilities, so that in future I will be able to better understand emotional responses and react accordingly. Initial research through conventional methods, however, has proved… unfruitful. I have therefore decided to try a different method, by recruiting an… assistant– “

“ _Assistant? Really?”_

_“–_ who, in spite of his sarcastic response, because I  _do_ know what sarcasm is, has promised to expose me to a broad range of emotional stimuli and situations, and to assist in the identification of my emotional responses, so that I may in turn learn to recognise the same emotions in others.”

“ _You’re making this sound way more complicated than it is. Give it here–“_

_“_ I really don’t see–“

“ _C’mon Logan, I’m your_ assistant _, remember? I get to hold the recording-thing too.”_

“It’s not a ‘recording-thing’; it’s a dictaphone, developed by the Volta Laboratory in the late _–_  “

“ _–Yeah sure, it’s a dictaphone, now hand it over… Alright, so Logan has promised to do all of my chores for the next two months, if I help him with his weird experiment on feelings and shit. So we’re going to watch a bunch of scary movies, maybe play some really annoying videogames, and he’s going to record his emotional responses in this log. I’m still not sure why_  I _got picked to help out with this, considering I’m_ Anxiety  _and this mushy crap is definitely not my thing–“_

_“–_ I told you, the other two are far too illogical for– “

“– _but hey, I get out of chores, so I don’t care. Alright, so…what now?”_

_“_ Now, we begin.”

 

-

 

“Salutations. This is day six in my ongoing experiment in emotional responses-”

“– _For the record, I think this experiment needs a catchier name.”_

“Really, Virgil. For the record, I disagree.”

“ _For the record, I disagree that you disagree.”_

_“…_ That makes no sense.”

“You _make no sense.”_

“To continue my previous statement: we have now engaged in several activities together designed to stimulate emotions, and I have been keeping a daily record of my own emotional responses in this log.”

_“That sounds a bit…”_

“What?”

“ _Never mind.”_

_“_ …We are now going to watch what Virgil calls ‘scary movies’, so I may study how different individuals express negative emotions. I believe we have several movies to watch, so I will cut this log short, and report on my progress afterwards.”

 

-

 

“Virgil, give it here!”

“ _Nope, I won’t!”_

“Get back here!”

“ _Hey, this is still day six, and I just wanted to say that Logan is_ terrified  _of clowns. And for the record, he’s a surprisingly fast runn – “_

“–Are you recording this?! Virgil, the dictaphone is for serious logs only– “

 

-

 

“Greetings. It is the evening of day six. Or, to be more precise, the morning of day seven: it is approximately 2:33am. I am…having difficulty falling asleep, so I have decided to report on the experiment’s progress. The scary movies were an enlightening experience, but also highly illogical and hyperbolic, and–

What was that?

…For the record, the window is open, and a breeze is coming through and blowing the curtains, which in turn is creating an illusion of movement…and the shadows on the wall might  _look_ like a facsimile of a menacing figure, but are in reality simply shadows, and completely harmless…

…Perhaps I will go see if Virgil is awake.”

 

-

 

“It is day nineteen. We have now watched every movie that Virgil deems ‘acceptable’ in the DVD collection of the mindscape, and I have taken extensive notes on the emotional responses displayed by each character. We are now moving onto the next step of the experiment _–_  “

“– _which is playing board games all day, apparently. Ugh.”_

“Playing board games is an excellent method to refine emotional control. Frustration, for example, is an oft experienced emotion during strategic games, particularly when strategies do not pan out as anticipated.”

_“…Are you sure you didn’t make this step up, so you could beat me at board games?”_

“…Enjoying my victory is also an emotional response, correct?”

“ _I knew it! In that case-“_

“–What are you _–_  “

“– _checkmate!”_

“You can’t - that’s against the rules! You cheated!”

“ _I’m just helping you refine your ‘emotional control’!”_

_“_ That’s not-! We’re starting again, this time with  _no_ cheating!”

 

-

 

“Salutations. It is day twenty-seven in my ongoing efforts to rationalise emotional responses. In yesterday’s log we decided to progress to the next step in the experiment, which will involve touring the memory archives, in order to observe particular memories in Thomas’ history, so that Virgil and I can reason out why particular moments were so… emotional.  

This afternoon was meant to be our first expedition into the archives. However, Virgil is…unable to assist today. Prior observation and research strongly suggests that he is the midst of an episode of heightened anxiety, perhaps caused by cognitive distortions. He has secluded himself in his room.

Observing emotional responses in popular media over the past few weeks has demonstrated that comforting gestures are immensely useful in addressing moments of self-doubt and insecurity…but I do not know to how to be comforting.

Should I go to him? I would like to help, but I do not want to make an error.

I am…uncertain of how to proceed.”

 

-

 

“For the record, I am whispering because I am stood outside Virgil’s room. I…I am still recording, so that if I am unable to convey my sincerity to Virgil, I can learn from this, and improve in the future.

It is still day twenty-seven, and I am about to knock…

…Virgil?

Virgil, I’m coming in.”

“… _Logan? What’re you doing here?”_

“I am here to enquire about your well-being.”

“ _I’m just…not in a good mood today Logan. You should leave. I can’t help in your experiment right now.”_

“I’m not here for the experiment.”

“… _You’re not?”_

“No, I am not. Though I admit that the experiment has been highly valuable thus far in the development of my emotional understanding, and that I look forward to continuing to build on our success to date, today…today the experiment doesn’t matter.”

_“It doesn’t?”_

“No. Today I am here to…help. If you want? If you don’t, I can leave. I don’t  _want_ to leave, of course, but if it will make you happy then I will do so. Wait, no, that was an emotionally charged statement, that wasn’t my intention, my apologies, I can go – “

“ _Hey, hey, it’s okay. You don’t_ have _to go. I mean…the company would be kind of nice I guess…unless you want to leave! It’d be okay if you did, I’m kinda gross right now, and my room is a mess, and I’m probably going to do something annoying or stupid or get upset again, or I’ll have another anxiety attack and ruin everything–“_

“ _–_ I would like to stay. With you.”

“… _Oh, i-if that’s what you want…_

“It is.”

“ _Okay, then…you can stay.”_

“Thank you. Could I… sit with you?”

_“Oh right, yeah, let me just move the blankets, one mo-”_

“–thank you.”

“… _so, erm, you want to watch something?”_

-

 

“Today is day thirty-three in my experiment in emotional responses–“

“– _I can’t believe you’re still calling it that–”_

“As these logs will demonstrate, we have spent the last five days visiting Thomas’ most powerful memories in the archives, in order to observe moments of high emotion. Today we are observing a memory of a theme park, which Thomas originally visited when he was in college.”

“ _Why are we here again?”_

“As I stated earlier, we are here to take notes on how Thomas’ and his friends react to excitement and heightened adrenaline, so I may become familiar with how others express these emotions.”

“ _…okay.”_

“I have made extens–gah!”

“ _Fuck!”_

“…For the record, that was Thomas screaming. I believe Thomas’ memory of the haunted house is more…imaginative, than the original event. Perhaps Roman was feeling more present on this day than usual?”

“…”

“…Virgil? Are you okay?”

“ _…I’m fine.”_

“Are you sure?”

_“Yeah, I’m fine.”_

“…Perhaps we could revisit the theme park on another day. I believe on the day following this event, Thomas spent several hours at home relaxing with his friends. Why don’t we move onwards to that memory?”

“ _I told you, I’m fine!”_

“That may be so. I, however, have grown weary of this memory. Roman’s influence has transformed it into a cacophony of chaos and it is quite…distracting. If you are amiable, I would like to move on to the next.”

_“But…didn’t you want to ‘observe adrenaline?’”_

“These memories will not be forgotten any time soon. I can revisit them another day. Additionally, observing memories of relaxation, of peaceful days with friends, are also essential to a successful study on emotional responses. Now, shall we go?”

“ _…yeah, that sounds great…Logan?”_

“Yes?”

"… _Thanks.”_

_“_ You’re welcome.”

-

 

“It is 2:36pm on day thirty-eight. Thus far, the experiment has been a success. Indeed, it has…been more successful than anticipated.

I believe I am beginning to understand these…emotional expressions. Indeed, recently, I have found the atmosphere between Virgil and I to be particularly emotionally charged.

…I think I might…

No. These logs are a scientific endeavour, it is no place for cognitive distortions.”

 

-

 

“Salutations. It is day forty-three of the experiment. For the record, Virgil and I have just finished observing a memory of Thomas’ first date. It was…an enlightening experience.”

“ _It was gross, that’s what it was.”_

“I can agree that the memory was particularly emotional, perhaps overly so _–_  “

“– _it was sappy as fuck, why did we even go there?”_

“–but it is my understanding that romantic attachments are important to Thomas, as well as to a significant portion of the general population.”

“ _Isn’t this more…Princey’s thing, though?”_

“Normally, I would agree. Nevertheless, I believe it is essential for the experiment that I observe a wide range of emotional experiences.”

“ _Ugh, sure, whatever. Let’s just…not do that again.”_

“…Understood.”

“ _Good.”_

“…However, before we move on, I have a question.”

“ _Oh great.”_

“Thomas seemed very pleased when his date held his hand. I’m aware that handholding is considered a romantic gesture, but why? Does it stimulate feelings of affection? Or is it something else entirely?”

_“Oh my god. For the record, I am not answering that question.”_

_“_ …Very well. Then I will simply have to try it. Virgil, your hand please.”

_“What?! I’m not– “_

“Virgil. You agreed to be my assistant… unless you would rather do the laundry this evening?”

_“Ugh. Fine.”_

“…For the record, I am now holding Virgil’s hand. His palm is damp, possibly with perspiration–“

_“Wh-what, why would you even– “_

“–but it is warm, and quite…pleasant.”

“…”

“Virgil, are you okay? You look quite flushed. Are you feeling ill?”

_“I’m fine!”_

“Are you sure? Let me-”

“ _Yes I’m sure! Can this part of the experiment be_ over _now?”_

“Very well, I believe we have made excellent progress for today.”

“ _Erm_ … _are you going to let go?”_

“Oh. Of course.”

 

-

 

“It is day forty-five. I am aware that I previously stated that this log is only for recording the results of my ongoing experiment, however…I cannot keep this to myself any longer.

For the record, I think…

No, I  _know_ I have grown emotionally attached to Virgil. Initially, I suspected it was the result of our growing friendship. We have spent many days in each other’s company since this experiment began, so it is only logical that I would develop an affinity for his company.

However, I believe my initial assessment was…incorrect. I  _do_ value his company, but it is more than I ever expected. He makes me feel… content. His smile. His laugh. His endless and absolutely  _infuriating_  sarcasm.

I don’t know how, or  _if_ , I’ll ever tell him, or what this means for the experiment, or for us, but to deny it would be illogical…

For the record… I’m in love with Virgil.”

 

-

 

“It is day forty-six. I have decided to halt the experiment for now, until I am more able to…control my emotions.

With hindsight, learning how to recognise emotional impulses may not have been a good idea.”

 

-

 

“It is day forty-nine. The experiment is still on hold. I think I might stop using this dictaphone for now, until I am able to continue in the experiment…

…I haven’t spoken to Virgil since I realised the extent of my feelings.

I am unsure how to proceed. I can’t confess - Virgil is easily startled, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, or trigger an anxiety attack.

And I find it highly unlikely that he would–“

“ _Logan?”_

“Oh! Virgil! Wh-what are you doing here?”

“ _I knocked, but you didn’t answer. Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, I can just-“_

_“_ No, no, stay! It’s fine. I was just…recording the latest update, for the experiment.”

“ _Oh. Have you been carrying on with that then? Erm, alone?”_

“Ah. No. Not really.”

_“Oh.”_

“…”

“ _Are we…are we alright? Did I mess up? Cos’ if I did, I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to-“_

“No, you didn’t do anything. We’re fine; everything’s fine.”

_“…are you sure? We haven’t really…hung out in a while. I mean, it’s okay if you got tired of me, even_ I  _get tired of-“_

“Virgil. I’m not tired of you. I could never be tired of you. It would be…impossible. Illogical.”

“ _Oh. Oh, good. I’m glad.”_

“Good.”

_“Yeah.”_

“…”

“ _So, erm….did you wanna watch a movie or something? Patton made cookies earlier, we could have some? Maybe with hot chocolate?”_

_“_ That sounds…wonderful.”

 

-

 

“ _Erm, testing, testing, one two three? Wait no, that’s microphones. I’m just going to hope this is actually working…How does Logan usually start these again? Oh yeah. It’s day fifty, I think? I’m not sure, I haven’t been keeping track._

_But yeah, Logan left the dictaphone on the sofa…I think it might have fallen from his pocket, during the movie. It’s a good thing I found it, cos’ it’d be really fucking annoying if we lost all these recordings._

_Anyway, it’s like 3am and I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping right now, so I’m just going to leave this outside his door. Okay, right, well, goodnight…_

_…and Logan? If you’re listening?_

_For the record…I love you too.”_

 

 


End file.
